So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
