you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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