Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
