Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
