your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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