margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize