He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
