I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
