if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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