i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
