At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize