Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
