don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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