If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
