she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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