I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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