people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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