The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
