Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
