omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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