ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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