Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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