Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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