I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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