some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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