pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
