I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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