I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
