i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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