Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
