I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
