party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
