your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
