it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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