im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize