i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
