Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i think i have herpe
just one?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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