I'm really into asian looking animals
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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