12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
