My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
