Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
