I think my fart just growled at me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
