3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
