I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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