sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
