Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
