umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
