ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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