just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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