I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
