remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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