I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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