I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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