Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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