I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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