Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
