i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
