i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
