I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize