put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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