i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
