Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
