I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
