You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize