i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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