This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
