Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
