Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
