Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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