Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
