I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I want to have your abortion
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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