did you get engaged???
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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