youre lurking in front of me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize