Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
