ya dads aren't the best wingmen
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
