i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
