Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Fuck appropriateness.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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