You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
