last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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