Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
