we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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