are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
