i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
