I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I met the friendliest cop last night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
