Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize