Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
