just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I could have mohawked her pubes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
