you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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