While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
