I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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