My first STD was from a foam party
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
