It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
