wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
