I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
